Archive for the ‘rant’ Category

Condescending social media programs

Wednesday, July 7th, 2010

I just encountered two so far this week since I have been paying attention, but I’ll probably post more if I see them.

This annoyed me when I kept repeatedly seeing it so I took a screenshot to blog about later:

Hoot Suite took a nap

This is from Hootsuite which is a Twitter client that allows you to check multiple accounts, it automatically updates, and other fun stuff. Twitter is a medium for people to post quick 140 character messages into the ether where they try to make it sound like they are cool when really they can’t possibly be cool if they are tweeting. Anyway, Hootesuite stops updating if you don’t check for over an hour it seems. What is weird about this is that the message is in first person and refers to having the ability to be bored, make decisions, take naps and know things. “Let me know,” Hootsuite says, as if it were my buddy on ichat, just waiting for my return. We’re not children and we don’t imagine that the website is a sentient being with thoughts, feelings and the ability to make decisions. I guess some people might argue that this is cute or something, but I find it vaguely annoying. I don’t like that they are trying to be cute. And I’m trying to identify who it is that the voice is coming from, the Hootsuite Owl logo? The website itself? The pop up window? Bah! It just takes the “Snooze” metaphor, which by itself I don’t mind, way too far.

The next one too:

Facebook error message

This one is obviously from Facebook, which is a social media site where people post pictures and notes about themselves to a list of everyone they’ve ever met pretending that their list gives a crap about their lives. Anyway, this message struck me as weird too. “Just kidding!!” What a wicked sense of humour there on this inanimate, difficult to define object/being. Like this pop-up window being is so very mischievous and me and he/she are comfortable enough with each other for he/she to give me a little ribbing there. Good one, pop-up window. You sure got me. And again, who exactly is kidding? Who is this amorphous “we” trying to be funny here? There was a bug in the computer program or something, that’s fine, why do you have to give the error message personality? It’s annoying and feels wrong, like the author of the message is trying to pull one over on me or something. Jerks. No I am not thinking too much about this…

roommates

Tuesday, July 6th, 2010

I have a roommate for 3 weeks. I love it. My roommate will never see this nor will anyone she knows, I’m sure, so I’m not just saying that to suck up. I seriously do love having her around.

I had roommates, lots of em, all through school, but in 2005 I moved into a one-bedroom apartment by myself to never look back. Roommates are no good, I’ve paid my dues, I need my own place, so dagnabbit, I’m on my own. I would visit my friends who still had roommates and feel self-congratulatory pity for them. They would complain about what a drag their roommates are and I would pat them on the hand knowingly. My friends who live alone and I would have exclusive club meetings where we discuss how fabulous living alone is. Having to share a bathroom and a kitchen? no thanks! Having someone around all the time making a mess? forget it! Not being able to do what I want, when I want, to my own stuff? never again! I’m an adult now and adults DO NOT have roommates. Grown-ups live in isolated situations or with their families, they do not co-habitate with friends, acquaintances or distant relatives. Those are the rules now.

But then my boyfriend’s friend’s girlfriend had a three week elective in a Toronto hospital coming up in July and she really wanted to stay with people she knows so I thought, hmm… well I guess… But we barely have enough room for our own bikes. We only have an extra small room with a couch and no room for another bed. We have a teeny tiny bathroom. Are you sure there’s enough room? Well, if you’re really sure…

Now I find it’s so so wonderful. We cook together delicious full meals! We go on walks and get ice cream and gummy candies! We watch all sorts of movies and the rest of season two of True Blood (which gets pretty ridiculous but not in a good way fyi)! We stay up past our bedtime gossiping about boys, careers, and deep life questions/philosophies! I get to show her all my crafts I ever made and she is very impressed and supportive! We go on fun bike rides (not yet, but we will soon)! And so much more! It’s so very awesome!

I really love having a roommate and it pretty much is my new favourite thing! I guess I’ve matured or maybe it would suck if it were longer than three weeks and it was more permanent, but now I think it’s the greatest!

Social Media Experts

Thursday, April 22nd, 2010

Where did this term come from? How does one become a “Social Media Expert.” What are the credentials or qualifications for such a thing? I keep hearing all these people who self-label as social media gurus and whatnot. They just seem to throw it out there like it’s nothing. I recently interviewed someone for an communications intern type position and she told me she was a social media expert and that she knows more about social media than most people in Canada. This is such a strange thing to say, because I think this doesn’t actually mean anything.

I feel like calling yourself a social media expert is akin to calling yourself a public transportation expert. Well, you know, I’ve been taking public transportation since 1997 and I am on there several times a day every single day! Yeah yeah, I’m great at getting on buses, getting off streetcars, meeting people on the subway, I can get myself anywhere, etc, just awesome! I know more about public trasportation than most people in Canada.

When you’re a child and don’t have any life experience or you’re from a small town or from the country with no access to public transportation and you’re from the early 20th century and you’ve never heard of buses or trains, you might hear someone say “Hey, I’m an expert on public transportation,” you would be very impressed! However, if you’ve grown up in present day and public transportation is such a part of every day life that you take it for granted and wouldn’t even imagine saying you’re an expert in something so ordinary and invisible. It’s also such a broad category of something to be an expert in and it is unclear. For example, maybe you are trying to say you are an expert at fixing streetcars, or you know all the different models of subways by sight, or you have a scam going on where you get on for free, you know? It’s not a valid claim and doesn’t actually mean anything of value to people who know how public transportation works.

That’s how I feel when someone says they are an expert in social media. It’s so vague, man. What does that even mean? You know about the various social media forms? You know how to send out a group text? You know how to create an event? You know how to “like” things? All users of this stuff know this already. You know how to read metrics and analytics? You know how to program apps? You are good at community building and interaction on brand? You can design a social media campaign? There are actual categories for that like, experience and interaction design, technologist, programmer, digital community coordinator, strategic planner, digital copywriter, etc, etc. No one who legitimately works in the media ever calls themselves a socal media expert in general terms. Do they? Maybe they do. They shouldn’t.

Whenever I hear anyone call themselves a social media expert I think that either they don’t fully understand what social media is and how to work in it or they are trying to fool someone who they think doesn’t know what social media is. Am I crazy? It’s seems like such a common label, but I suspect people are just making it up. Please feel free to argue with me.

And then I google image searched “public transportation expert.” I liked these:

11997-eating_public_transportation

shibuya-monkey-feb-2009-expert

joetransit_large1

Wendell cox podium 300pix

Facebook Info

Saturday, September 26th, 2009

Mindlessly browsing old friends’ facebook profiles after I come home on a Friday night finally yielded some happy results. Look what I stumbled upon:

facebook

The secret of facebook is to go on ONLY for specific reasons for short increments of time not very often so it doesn’t suck you in. Usually after only 5 minutes of browsing around while bored, I just feel so terrible about myself because I’m a creepy loser and must feel insecure and be compensating by judging my “friends” on facebook. Total truth.

Simultaneously, I feel bad about the poor, innocent people that i (used to) know because via FB they show me too much information, they awkwardly try-too-hard or – let’s face it – some people are just extremely lame. I find myself subconsciously visiting those classic profiles of people who are just so delightfully messy. Don’t deny it, you know a couple on your list too. You know you can stop by and count on them to have new weird and awkward pictures, long and revealing notes, or ridiculous status updates all of which tickles you somewhere satisfying, deep inside while at the same time making you cringe… Out of a mix of insecurity, naivety, self-importance/ self-delusion, and poor judgment, they embarrass themselves online for all the friends on their list to witness – much like a car crash you can’t look away. Can you?

NO GOOD CAN EVER COME OF THIS!! I am going to close this thing now and quit while I’m ahead. People are awesome, like funny dodgeball friend who was a year older than me in university and now lives in Hamilton with his lovely wife! I must close facebook before I discover otherwise and my faith in humanity and the people I “know” will remain intact, at least for today.

(500) days of pretentious crap (albeit with a few cute moments)

Thursday, July 23rd, 2009

The following is an semi-incoherent stream of consciousness about the condescending film I saw last night:

Cliched voiceover right off the freakin top!! “This is a story of boy meets girl, but it is not a love story.” BARF. Ugh! Can movies these days please stop ripping off Amelie poorly, please? What? Kareoke? Ikea? Did the writers (aka market researchers) aggregate data from a couple thousand 20-something suburban hipster facebook profiles and make a movie incorporating all of the “ironic” activities they like (+ music)? Belle & Sebastien in her high school yearbook!! That’s everybody’s go-to cool indie band name-drop. Ohh!! She likes Ringo and things nobody else likes! That’s so alternative!! I like things cause no one else likes them too! Are you kidding me? So… I see we are still not past Feist’s Mushaboom… Also what is with this irrational romantic fascination with architects??? AND would a real architect draw pictures of buildings on someone’s arm as an inspiration? Would a real architect relate to that shit?? I’m actually curious. And what’s so bad about greeting card companies anyway??? They are really all that evil and we’re going to pick on them as the scourge of humanity, but we love Ikea and architecture so much? And was that family in Ikea actually Chinese, specifically like he said? Nothing even happened in this movie!! Nothing at all happened!! Remember how you felt about Garden State and you thought it spoke to you and now you realize it was the most consumerist, condescending piece of crap you ever saw three times in the theatre? This is the same. Both of these movies were just a bunch of hackneyed moments, forced together to get people to buy into the idea that everybody who likes this movie, soundtrack, and the stuff they sell in the movie is so indie and different. The younger, “wiser-than-her-years” (ugh so many cliches!) sister said it best: “Just because somebody likes the same bizarro things as you doesn’t mean they’re your soulmate.” This movie is not my soulmate just because I think Zooey Deschanel dresses cool, rides a bicycle, and loves the Smiths. She sits in cool coffee shops and reads! Wow!! We’re like totally the same person!! I relate to this movie soooo much like it’s about me! That being said, I actually really really really loved the one dance scene and thought the choreography was excellent. That’s actually true. Sorry, if you like it and hope you’re not offended! I think it’s cool if you are into this movie, a lot of my friends who I love and respect thought it was really awesome and I also like a lot of things that most people hate I’m sure. I just didn’t like this one… obviously.

drawing in a moleskine

Fractured pictures of a beautiful girl with bangs behind sensitive boy drawing in a journal. *sigh*  It’s just like my life…